


Virtues of the Oblivious

by blumen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (just a lil), (only physical hurt in the form of periods), Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Romance, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Bonding, Comfort, Coming Out, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Light-Hearted, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, POV First Person, Sexuality Crisis, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans! Eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 15:12:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11716962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blumen/pseuds/blumen
Summary: Jean Kirschtein, the Token Straight™, after Eren's casual coming out would like to say that whilst he could have dealt with the situation a bit (a lot) better it was still a-okay. Maybe he had a bit of a freak out upon meeting Eren's new boyfriend but that meant nothing really; it was all just coincidental. There was no deeper meaning. He was just feeling a bit protective. Eren deserved better anyway. Jean would like to reiterate that it all meant absolutely nothing.





	Virtues of the Oblivious

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my drafts for over a year,,,,,,,,,it's finally finished,,,,,,,I finally just fucking finished it

Looking back, I can't believe it started with fucking Dance Moms of all things.

So there I was, Saturday night and unlike any other normal student, I was at home, single, and watching shitty T.V. with Eren Yeager. The remote was squashed beneath Eren's fat arse to stop me stealing it and switching over the dribble blaring on screen. My hand crept subtly towards it in hopes of ending my misery but apparently I wasn't as subtle as I hoped because my hand got slapped away. Eren, deciding to ignore my cries of pain, instead put the remote down his sweatpants with a smirk that was far too satisfied for something so childish. I scowled at him, crossing my arms like a bratty child but he took no notice.

“Oh, Jean, by the way, I'm bisexual.”

All those years of studying English were failing me because all of a sudden I couldn't form a single sentence.

“Dude, are you serious? Is Dance Moms really the time for this?” I exasperated, striking my hands towards the tiny telly like I was about to hit it.

“What, do you want me to sit you down after dinner and give you a teary speech? Should I put on Brokeback Mountain instead, would that suit you better? This isn't a big deal to me; I just thought that you should know.”

“Have you told anyone else yet?”

“I've told Mikasa and Armin but that's about it.”

I gulped, gathering the courage to ask him what was prodding my brain.

“So do you have a boyfriend now or what?”

“No. I just got thinking about it a few weeks ago and realized that yeah. I think guys are hot and that I'd be cool with dating one.”

“Oh. O-okay, then.”

“Do you have a problem with it or something?”

“What? No, no, no, no i-it's just...unexpected.”

“Christ, trust you to make it awkward.”

“Well, sorry, it did kinda come out of nowhere!”

“You weren't like this when I said I was trans!”

“Yeah but that's different, it's not-this!”

“Are you a homophobe or something?”

“What? No! My best friend is gay!”

“Oh my god, you're one of _those_.”

“One of what? What's that supposed to mean?”

“Forget it! Forget I said anything. I'm leaving.”

“Huh? But I didn't even do anything!”

Eren left with a roll of his eyes before stomping off to his room. And that bastard had the remote with him too! I huffed and crossed my arms, silently glowering at Abby Miller. I lasted two minutes before storming towards my own room.

\---

We didn't talk about the living room incident and I preferred it that way. So what if Eren was into dudes? I didn't know what his problem was; he was the one that had a strop, not me. If he wasn't going to apologize then it's better that he said nothing at all. Like I said, I didn't have an issue with it. That was until we went to Wall Maria's for Armin's birthday.

Wall Maria's was pretty well known around campus for being the best club that wasn't too far away and had pretty good prices. Incidently, it was also a gay club, which, hey, no problamo for me as Mikasa reassured me several times I wouldn't be the only straight person. And she was right, quite a lot of people there were just straight girls who didn't want to get hit on by douche-bags. I tried my luck with a few of them which...didn't go amazingly.

Fair to say, my mood wasn't great after being rejected for the third time that evening. To make matters worse, there Jaeger was, only a couple of meters away, and he'd managed to pull before I had! It wasn't just anyone either. A guy! A good looking, really buff guy that I would rather shoot myself than admit I found intimidating.

What was even worse was that this guy wasn't even a dick. He was asking Eren about his course with genuine interest, not just filler before he invited him back to his place. Eren was always animated in a way that just commanded attention whenever he talked about his passions. His eyes glistened as he talked, even laughing sometimes which made my stomach twist in a way that it shouldn't have. It was no wonder why the guy looked so enamoured. Gross. I knocked back my drink with only a slight wince.

“Hey.”

I swivel my head to see a guy, disappointingly, take a seat next to me. Since the rest of my group were on the dance floor it was just the two of us.

“I'm straight.”

“Okay...Well, can I offer you a drink anyway?” He smiled sincerely. His hair was dark like his skin, with warm terracotta eyes that reminded me of hot coffee. He was attractive-objectively speaking of course. Just because I could appreciate that he was handsome didn't mean I wanted to do anything with him. I glanced down at my empty drink and shrugged, figuring it was worth a shot (heh.)

To the guy's credit, he didn't buy me anything cheap. I tried not to look like a desperate loner and sip my drink instead of gulping it down.

“I'm Terrance, but you can call me Terry.”

“Jean,” I exchanged in return.

Being flirted with was weird enough normally but with a guy it was something entirely different. My hands fiddled awkwardly with anything from my ear piercings to the rim of my drink. Terry didn't take much notice to it other than a chuckle.

I tried to listen to Terrance, really I did, but my concentration kept diverting to a certain guy laughing a bit too loudly for my liking. Eren's hair looked so luscious underneath the purple lights, the kind of thickness you just want to run your hands through and pull.

“Jean?” Terrance prompted, snapping me out of my daze.

“Sorry, sorry,” I mumbled with a flush. Terrance turned to follow my line of sight and smiled to himself.

“Don't worry, I understand,” Terrance reassured and carried on grinning like he knew something I didn't. “What's his name?”

“Who?”

“The guy you keep staring at.”

“I'm not staring.”

Terry raised an eyebrow at me incredulously.

“His name is Eren.”

“How long have you known him?”

“Since secondary school. We live together now.”

“Does Eren know you like him?”

“What?” I almost spat my drink out. My face went annoyingly scarlet, not exactly helping my case.

“It's not like that! I hate him! He's such a dickhead!”

“If you say so.”

His tone was beginning to piss me off.

“And I'm straight.”

“I heard you the first time.”

“I-I just-”

“Sexuality is a lot more fluid than you think. I've slept with women before and enjoyed it yet I still consider myself completely gay.”

Well that just doesn't make sense, does it?

“Look, Jean, I hope you manage to figure this out. You can call me if you want to talk about anything. Have a good night,” and after writing his number on a napkin, he left.

“Who was that?” Marco asked, returning from the dance floor flushed and sweaty.

“Just some guy,” I replied, dazed. He thought I just have a crush on Eren of all people! Eren!

“Well, _some guy_ just gave you his number. Are you going to call him?”

“As if.”

“Well if you don't I will.”

“Go ahead. I'm going to go dance.”

“Have fun,” Marco beamed, taking the seat I left. I felt a muscle in my jaw jump when the guy held Eren's arm and he didn't shake it off. It was nothing. It meant nothing.

I threw myself into the crowd and tried to get lost in the throng of euro dance music. Did they seriously have to stand so close? They barely knew each other; it just wasn't not normal!

In hindsight, I probably looked insane with how aggressively I was dancing. No wonder no one wanted to grind on me, they probably thought I'd rip their genitals off.

I decided to go to the toilets to cool down and try to get my thoughts in order. Thankfully, they were empty, allowing me to splash water on my face in peace. Usually, Yeager pissing me off was completely normal. He was just talking to someone; so why did it piss me off so much? Was it because it was a guy? I didn't get angry when he spoke to Annie and Sasha. Fuck, am I actually homophobic? I can't be but-what was it that Armin was speaking about earlier? Internalized homophobia? Maybe I had that and I was being a complete dick to all my friends without realizing. Normally I'd ring Marco and talk to him for something like this but he was having fun like everyone else.

With a frustrated sigh, I wiped my face with toilet paper and return to the hot, sticky room. I didn't have enough money left for another drink, dancing didn't appeal to me any more, and I'd done enough talking for that night. All I wanted was my warm, not sweaty, not smelling like vodka bed where it was quiet and where I couldn't see a blushing Eren. But of course, Eren was depending on me to drive him back since I was the only one out of us that could drive. I was too drunk to anyway. Oh god, I was going to have to talk to him whilst he was being flirted at by Beefcakes. This night couldn't get any better.

“Eren,” I had to repeat myself before he noticed me, too caught up in laughing. “I think I'm gonna go home.”

“What? It's not even midnight Kirschstein, you turning into a grandpa already?”

“I'm just not feeling it. I'll pay for the taxi home for you.”

“You sure, man?”

“Yeah, it's fine.”

“You can stay around mine if you'd like. I live close by,” the reason for my growing headache interjected. I tried not to look as horrified as I felt at the idea of Eren spending the night with some guy he just met.

“Sure?”

“Yeah, I can take the couch if you want.”

“I don't think that's going to be a problem.”

I felt vomit rise in my throat. Without a goodbye, I swiftly turned around, pacing towards the exit. I leaned on a bus stop shelter whilst waiting for my cab, shivering and almost cursing myself for foregoing a jacket. Worth it for the aesthetic though. I may be miserable and shivering on a pavement at only eleven p.m. but at least I had my look to keep me company. Even so, I was freezing my arse off whilst Eren was inside being chatted up and fucking flirting like a school girl. The guy wasn't even that attractive and suddenly I just want to hit something. Even the arrival of the cab didn't uncurl my fists.

The journey home was tense and the driver kept flicking worried glances over at me in case I punched something or I don't know, it wasn't his business anyway. Thankfully, the drive wasn't too long and after I threw my cash at the driver I stomped towards my flat to collide with my bed to fall into a fitful sleep.

\-----

The next morning wasn't much better when I woke with a miserable headache and an even more miserable mood. Pulling my clinging duvet aside, I trudged out of bed to pull myself to the kitchen sink. Luckily, my hangover wasn't too bad but there was still a throbbing in my head and a weariness in my limbs. I was perfectly content to rendezvous with my bed and Netflix but any promise of a low-key day was shot when Eren trudged through the door. Judging by his appearance he'd had a fun night with a revolting amount of bruises littered on his neck and hair mussed beyond its normal scruff. A stream of bile erupted from my throat, doubling me over and leaving me weak in the knees.

“Christ, Jean, I didn't even think you had that much to drink,” Eren kicked off his shoes and rushed to my side, rubbing my back in a way that was strangely hypnotising, “At least you got it all in the sink.”

I accepted the glass of water he poured me with shaky hands and gulped it down, face feeling suddenly hot in a way that had nothing to do with Eren's palm still resting on my shoulder blades.

“Get much sleep last night?” I tried to make my voice light and sarcastic but I couldn't have sounded more bitter if I tried. Eren's eyes widened for a moment, his brow furrowing.

“What's it to you?” Eren retorted, tone bordering on a snap. Normally, when Eren was angry he'd burst like an overinflated balloon but this restrained tension was new and far more threatening.

“Nothing,” I murmured, suddenly feeling like I was going to throw up all over again. “Just think that you shouldn't jump at the first guy who shows you any attention.” Was there anything worse I could have said?

“What the hell, Jean?” Eren yelled. “Why do you care who I fuck?”

I hated that my flinch was audible.

“I get that you're gay now or whatever but you don't have to go and screw any guy just for the sake of it!”

“Why is this such a big deal to you? Yes, I had sex with James last night-” A flash of feverish heat erupted in my body “-because I wanted to and I have no idea why you're acting like such a piss-baby about it! I can't be around you when you're like this!” Eren threw his hands up in the air and stormed off, making sure to slam his bedroom door so that I could hear.

Anger welled up in my body, making my head swim more than it already was. I wanted to march into his room and demand that he apologized but what for? Even with all of my fury bubbling in my stomach I could admit that Eren hadn't actually done anything wrong. But then I thought of him underneath James or whatever that twat was called and all rationality was swept away by a tidal wave of frenzy. With a sinking feeling I realized I would have to apologize but for now I was content to brood and put off thinking about my unexplainable feelings along with other things I probably shouldn't be suppressing.

I was thankful to resign to my bed whilst I waited for my pizza to arrive, smirking when I imagined myself not letting Eren have any. Petty, yes, but did I care? No.

Eventually, the doorbell chimed and were I not still dreary with exhaustion I would have leapt from my bed. I settled with a hurried scamper and a quick exchange. I think I may have actually drooled but who was there to judge me? The heat from the box warmed my hands as I awkwardly balanced the bottle and smaller box of potato wedges on top of it. As I settled back in bed, my phone buzzed on my bedside table, lighting up with Eren's name.

Fuckface: btw you need to pick up your car

Of course. Ugh, I was going to have to get the bus, wasn't I? Later, after my feast and when my head stopped pounding. I almost expected my phone to beep again with an apology but Eren was way too stubborn to apologize so early, especially for something that wasn't actually his fault.

I zoned out for the journey back to the club, my mood greatly elevated by pizza but still fairly shitty. Thankfully, the ride was short and my car was unscathed. On the way back I may or may not have listened to some angsty music from my teen days but that was hardly the point. Fuck Eren. He was the one getting my feelings all jumbled up and confused.

\----

We didn't talk for three days, which considering our track record was pretty good. Eventually, around three p.m. Eren shakily called out my name from his room. Against my better interests, I ventured into his room where he was wrapped around his duvet, clutching his stomach.

“Can you get me two hot-water bottles and some paracetamol? I'm fucking dying here,” Eren growled, curling even further inwards like a shrivelled leaf.

“Sure,” I replied, walking towards the kitchen to flick the kettle on and fish the contents of the medicine cabinet. Whilst I was waiting for the water to boil I poured him a large glass of water and withdrew a bar from my emergency chocolate collection that I hid from Eren. Before living with Eren my only experience with periods were a few fumbling health classes and mum telling me off for being mean to my sister sometimes during her “time of the month.” However, after living with Eren for two years I was accustomed to doing stuff like this for him, knowing how bad his cramps could get sometimes. The way he described the pain as “someone reaching into your intestines like a lucky dip” really stuck with me and I was not envious.

“Here you go,” I said, handling over his hot-water bottles and pain meds, opting to leave the junk food to the side.

“Ugh, thanks,” Eren replied, rolling onto his side to have one bottle for his back and one for his stomach. “Fucking hell, I can't wait to never have to deal with this again.”

“Shouldn't your periods have stopped by now?” I asked, taking a seat next to him and pulling out his laptop to go through his film bookmarks.

“Ideally it would have been last month but it can take anywhere up to six,” Eren explained, punctuated with a wince at the end. “I would literally scrape out my uterus with a rusty spoon right now if I could.”

“Come on, Eren,” I tried to make my voice comforting as I gave his shoulder a playful nudge and pulled his blanket closer around him. “Let's watch Scott Pilgrim.”

The opening credits of the movie started and Eren shuffled towards my slouched figure. We both accepted the unspoken apology between us, knowing that everything was fine again. Even so, having three days to reflect made me realize just how shitty I had been and Eren deserved better than that.

“I'm sorry about what I said. It wasn't on and you were right to be angry about it,” I apologized, hoping my sincerity came across.

“Yeah, you were a massive dick to be fair,” Eren replied. “But I forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

I'd missed this, just hanging out with Eren with no pressure to fill the space with talking. Whilst we weren't particularly touchy-feely physical contact wasn't rare either so really Eren resting his head on my shoulder shouldn't have been a big deal but I flinched nonetheless. It only got worse when I felt his hot breath against my neck, my body suddenly became overwhelmingly hot. Eren raised an eyebrow at me but ultimately was too tired to make a big deal of it so he just shimmed away slightly and resumed watching the film.

For the rest of the afternoon I felt unnervingly jittery, the space between Eren and I feeling far too close yet far away. Concentrating on the films were impossible with Eren's presence being almost tangible beside me. Things with Eren had always been so easy but now it felt as if I'd need an equation to figure out every single move from Eren's occasional glances at me to the little jump whenever I caught him staring.

“Are you good?” He eventually asked when we got onto the third film. He flicked his gaze towards me, teal eyes impossibly blue, no seriously, how could someone's eyes be so bright? I felt my cheeks grow warm as his brows furrowed further.

“Y-yeah,” I squeaked, feeling like my voice was breaking all over again.

Eren's eyes narrowed but he said nothing more, continuing to shoving his hand as far down the Pringles tube as he could. My heartbeat seriously needed to calm down; I felt like I was going to vomit the flood of fizzy drink stirring in my stomach. Eren must have put on cologne today or something because his scent was overwhelming but it wasn't something that could be put in a bottle. Another wave of cramps hit Eren and he bit his red, red lips, the flesh there so soft and _plump_ and-

“I need to piss,” I croaked, scampering towards the bathroom and slamming the door. Shit, when did my breathing become so heavy? Sitting on the edge of the bath, I cradled my head in my hands, urging my heart beat to calm down. After a mental pep talk, I stiffly walked back to the bedroom.

Eren's phone was in his hands with a dazzling smile on his lips. He never made that face when I texted him.

“Who are you talking to?” I asked, trying to keep my tone even as I resumed my place.

Eren's expression flickered through varying shades of infidelity before sighing.

“It's James,” he replied. “Please don't have a fit again; he's just asking how I'm doing.”

“It's fine. You don't have to explain yourself to me; I'm not your Mum” I said and surprised myself with how calm I was.

We continued watching, my heart rate still in a frenzy. This would be fine. Who cared if Eren had a somewhat boyfriend now. It was all completely a-okay.

\----

God was dead and everything around me was in chaos.

It had all started innocently enough. Armin and Mikasa had decided to host a calm and controlled, I repeat, _calm and controlled,_ get together at the weekend where we'd have a few drinks and gossip and it was all going to be just some light-hearted fun. But then Eren had suggested shots (and I may have helped since I was getting bored, but that's hardly relevant) and lo and behold, a disaster. I would have thought that after years of parties we would have been able to hold our alcohol, we'd made it through first year after all, and yet even so Reiner was naked, Ymir was drinking through a curly straw upside down from where she hanged from the banister, and Marco was sleeping with a crate of drinks as a pillow.

Now, I on the other hand, although sporting a healthy buzz, was far too sober to handle this chaos. I hadn't planned on getting smashed and the thought of a hangover when I had a dangerously late essay to finish wasn't particularly tempting. I was set on simply going home but then I spotted Eren out on the balcony with a pinched expression. He was on the phone and holding his arm like a sling. Squeezing through an intense DDR match I joined Eren outside where the icy air greeted me like a punch to the face. I quickly dashed back inside to grab my jacket, and then on second thought, grabbed one for Eren too. By the time I had joined him Eren had finished his call and had already lighted a cigarette. He offered one to me and I accepted. When I handed him Reiner's heavy jacket I noted with a weirdly tight chest that he looked oddly adorable drowning in the fabric.

I waited for Eren to start. He sighed heavily and flitted his gaze between me and the shadowed landscape of flat blocks beneath the moonlight.

“It was James,” Eren said, picking at a stain on his jeans.

“What happened?” I asked, exhaling smoke.

“We had a fight,” Eren explained. “I think I may have broken up with him.”

I couldn't explain the sudden rush of relief but also sympathy through me.

“O-oh,” I swallowed, “what happened.”

“I don't...really know. It's all a bit weird. I thought he was fine being something casual but I guess not,” Eren took a deep inhale from his cigarette, “I don't know; he kept wanting to be more serious but we've only been together for a month, and even then it was nothing official. I like him but...” he shrugged, pausing to find the words.

“You don't want anything serious with him?” I offered.

“Yeah. He's fun and we had a good time but I don't think I really want to move in with him and have a shared mortgage when I feel like I barely know him.”

“So you don't think you're gonna try and sort things out?”

“Yeah, probably not. We'll talk in the morning but I think the spark is gone anyway. We both deserve better than trying to drag out a relationship that clearly isn't going to work in the long-term anyway.”

I tried to digest everything and think of something comforting to say.

“Sucks that your first boyfriend didn't end so well,” was what I ended up going with. Smooth, Kirschstein.

“To be fair, it could be a lot worse. It'll be a bit awkward but that's about it. I don't really feel like crying either. At most I'm sad but I'll get over it.”

“Still.”

“Yeah, it's still a bit shitty.”

“...And I'm sorry about being so weird about the gay thing-”

“-The bi thing. I'm not gay; I like girls too.”

“Yeah, sorry, the bi thing. I just-it was all a bit unexpected.”

“'S fine, as long as you stop acting like a dick-munch about it now.”

I cracked a laugh.

“That should be doable.”

After we finished our cigarettes we headed back indoors with the sole purpose of getting entirely plastered, which we achieved with flying colours.

\------

Fair to say, there were many regrets the next morning when I was woken by the drilling in my head. As I got the least drunk yesterday, it was me who had to tumble off the couch to drag myself towards the kitchen with the grace of a drunk elephant. I felt like shit but at least the two of us somehow managed to get home. Even if both Eren and I end up on the couch, leaving me not only with a throbbing headache but with a crumpled spine too.

Miraculously, I made it to the sink without breaking anything. I filled the nearest glass that was suspiciously smudgy but would do to the rim and gulped it down as if I had been stranded in a desert. I left Eren's glass by the table next to the T.V. for when he would eventually wake up. But judging by his drool that wouldn't be until the next century.

There wasn't much to do when even looking at my phone hurt so I just ended up laying in my bed. I tried to read but my brain immediately protested the moment I held a book so it just ended up under my bed like the rest. Defeated, I decided to go back to sleep.

It was a great plan, sleep was one of my favourite past times after all, until Eren groaned loud enough to not only reawaken me but probably the rest of the apartment complex if it wasn't so late that they were already awake. When I strolled back into the living room, my nap having brightened my mood considerably, Eren was in a ball on the floor. He resembled a zombie more than anything and I couldn't help but pity him. He hadn't even noticed my offering. Twat.

“Eren?” I tried. He only groaned in response. It was fair to say he'd be out of commission for the rest of the day. “Okay, I'll be back soon.”

I had to enact the emergency procedure used only for the most drastic of measures. In preparation, I piled out ingredients onto the counter for what would be a monster breakfast. First though, I had to haul Eren back onto the sofa and position him to sit up straight instead of like a wilting flower and wrap him with my blanket that I retrieved from my bed. He only gurgled like a baby which whilst was entertaining I couldn't film since my phone was still charging.

Walking back into the kitchen, I must have poured half of our kitchen's contents into the pan with a avalanche of fried eggs, baked beans, and bacon, not to mention the skyscraper-like stack of buttered toast. Maybe I couldn't cook a soufflé, or “proper food” as my mum liked to call it, but I was proud of my feast that took two trips to fully transport to a comatose Eren.

“Jean, I'm going to stop drinking,” Eren whined whilst I took a space on the sofa besides him and snagged my own portion of quilt. “I mean it this time, I'm gonna...no more.”

I tried not to raise my eyebrows, having heard this speech many times. Instead I patted his shoulder and listened to his mumbled declarations between greasy mouthfuls of food. It was weird but I felt a sort of, weird warmth whenever we did stuff like this. A paternal instinct maybe? I thought of all the times that Eren and I had simply just shared a sofa and watched films, or ate unhealthy food, or simply just sat and all of the inane things we had done together over the years and how there was literally nothing else I would want to do or with anyone else. A motherly feeling didn't feel like the right description yet friendship didn't feel right either. Either way, I was still too hungover and it felt like something bigger that I wasn't willing to dig into just yet.

After we had eaten and stacked our plates into what looked like the landscape of a victorious battlefield we settled on watching reruns of Border Wars. At some point Eren's head settled on my shoulder, something that bothered me far less than it should considering most people still thought we were enemies or “frenemies” at a push. Sure, Eren pissed me off on a regular basis but he was my best friend. Who else would watch questionable reality T.V. with me until 3 a.m. and then share takeaway pizzas the next morning when we should have been at a lecture?

Eren's phone buzzed and he picked it up only to scowl immediately. I saw the name on the screen and bit my lip.

“What's up?” Eren nudged my shoulder.

“Shouldn't I be asking you that?” I forced a laugh.

Eren scrunched up his face before shrugging it off.

“He's decided to call it quits to so I guess that's it then.”

I released a breath I didn't know I was holding in. Eren raised an eyebrow at me. My chest constricted but I had no idea where that relief had come from.

“What's your deal with James? Honestly,” Eren didn't sound angry, thankfully. Just confused.

“I don't...I don't know.”

“You don't know?”

My already uncomfortably hot flush reached my ears.

“I didn't like the idea of him with you, and I'm sad that you're sad now but I'm also weirdly...thankful? Like obviously it's shit that you have to go through this but-” I managed to stop myself talking before I dug my grave even further and hit a oil pipe. This all felt far too personal and frankly throwing myself out of the window sounded very tempting.

“...Right,” Eren replied, shifting his weight awkwardly. “It's just that you sound...almost jealous.”

“I-” I stumbled, feeling myself blanch. It couldn't be, but looking back it fit oddly well. Very well. Oh, no. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. But I wasn't even-It was one thing to figure out you had a crush but it was another realm of fuckery to figure it out in front of them.

“Oh my god,” I cringed into my hands, hoping that if I pressed my face into them hard enough it would somehow transport me to a different reality where this was not happening.

“Do you...” Eren started but became rigid and-was he blushing? Neither of us could look at the other, the air around us thick and suffocating. “So...are you...jealous?” The words seemed painful for him to get out but it barely scraped the internal agony I was currently suffering through. Realistically, I knew I was being a bit dramatic but I felt like if I started talking I would literally die.

“D-do you like me, Jean?” Eren asked and goddammit did he have to look so adorable as he said it?

“I'm...very-my thoughts are very jumbled up right now to be fair but,” oh god, we were going to have to be serious and act like _adults,_ “I enjoy spending time with you and I honestly wouldn't trade our hangouts for anything in the world and it's taken me forever to realize but I think I really really like you and it's a bit terrifying,” I finished with a massive intake of air. I would have done anything for the sweet release of death.

It was silent for a moment. I must have died at least seven times within that pause. And then Eren started laughing to my horror.

“Oh, no!” He cried when he spotted my expression. “Sorry, this is all just a bit weird. We're both hungover, I just split up with someone, and then it turns out our Token Straight is not as straight as we thought. You've got to admit this is a bit weird.”

“Yeah, this could have gone down a lot better.”

Another sticky silence settled over us.

“You're right though, I can't be straight any more,” I tried to ease away the tension with little success.

“Well, that's for you to decide,” Eren said emphatically. “You don't have to make sense of it yet.”

“Great. Not only do I just realize I have a crush on you it's also followed by a sexuality crisis. To think, I thought I was homophobic and that's why I didn't like you and James.”

“Oh my god,” Eren sniggered, and at first tried to hold back his laughter, but eventually dissolved into giggles like a child, “That's-that's amazing! Jesus Christ.”

I bristled.

“No, no, it's-I'm sorry, I get it, I really do,” Eren clarified but the effect was undermined by him wiping away a tear. This was possibly the most embarrassing and painful moment of my life.

“So...” I started, surprised that vomit didn't pour out of my mouth. “About the whole...me...having feelings for you...anything to comment on that?”

Eren's eyes widened and flushed even deeper.

“I mean, this has kinda come out of nowhere,” he mumbled and the familiar sting of rejection started to sink in like a dead body dumped in a river. “But, I'd be willing to give it a go.”

“What?”

“I'm saying that while I don't have feelings for you right now there's a chance that could change.”

“So...that's a yes?”

“Yes.”

Oh. A massive smile split my lips which was returned with equal force. Was I supposed to kiss him? Would be that be too much already?

“Stop thinking,” Eren beamed with the intensity of the sun and leaned forward to peck my cheek which blossomed with heat before his lips even made contact, “Now you have to think of somewhere cool to take me if you want me to like you.”

Somehow, I managed to smile even wider, probably making me look slightly creepy but it didn't matter.

“I'm sure I can figure something out,” I laughed.

I left my hand upturned on his lap in invitation and champagne bubbles popped in my chest when he took it into his own. Yeah, this was going to be fine.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!


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